How Do You Measure Love?

I often engage in what would seem like an argument with my children over who loves whom more.  “I love you honey.”  Then, “I love you more.” Then, “I love you most.” Etc. Sometimes a child will exclaim, “I love you big as God!” Or, “I love you the size of the earth!” and on and on… Somewhere along the line I began asking them how they would measure love. One said, “If it was stretchy, I would stretch it out forever.”  Another said, “Maybe how many times you believed my brothers and sisters over me.” Ouch.

We all have our own ideas and thoughts of what we think love should be and how it should be expressed. There are too many ways to list. I do think however, we all have a lot to learn from our children. In fact, two of my sons wrote the same essay on My Three Favorite People. While I ranked “numero uno” on one son’s list, the other had me in third place!!

Here is what the bible has to say about love:  ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.  -1 Corinthians 13:1-8

It’s funny; about 10 years ago I read a book by Gary Chapman, entitled The Five Love Languages. He says we all have at least one unique way in which we receive love.  He lists them as Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. It had a section in it aimed at children in particular and he mentioned that their love language could likely change over time. I’m beginning to see this played out a bit. While one child used to be happy with words of affirmation, now I need to add a hug. Or, one always needed my hugs, and now I have to ask for a hug. As we are like clay to the Heavenly Potter’s hands, our children remain quite malleable in ours for years.  We must be able to shape them without breaking them. In my experience, it’s the shaping or stretching that can cause great pain. Muscles hurt when stretched beyond our comfort zone. Giving birth is one of the most painful ways I can think of to stretch a muscle. Whether parent or child, stretching your love muscles, can take some practice.  Be willing to read your child’s love language and perhaps adapt yours to suit his. Blessings.