Boundaries: How Far is Too Far??

 What are your boundaries in parenting, disciplining, relationships, work, play and all the rest?? What sort of limits should we set for ourselves? What does the bible say about this sort of thing? Well, we have The 10 Commandments, for starters. (Not the 10 ‘suggestions’ as some would like to believe.)

And God spoke all these words:

“I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. You shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” –Ex.20:1-17

Our children know their physical boundaries within our property lines. They know Nana’s is as far as they are allowed to go without an adult. She’s next door and on the same property.

Our family doesn’t celebrate Halloween. (We Christians aren’t really into the whole sacrificing virgins once- a- year deal.) We do however celebrate All Saints Day and allow them to buy the 90 percent off costumes, because all kids love to dress up! This is just one place we draw a line in the sand. If the pagans dress up on October 31st, that’s the one day we WON’T allow our kids to dress up.

Here is what our Creator has so thoughtfully laid out for us because He knows that we, like little children, need boundaries. These commandments are for our protection, unlike the TSA. If indeed we all lived within the boundaries of the 10 Commandments, or God’s law simplified in “Love your neighbor as yourself”, then we would all get along just fine, wouldn’t we? After all, we Reformers believe we have great liberties and freedoms within God’s perfect law, right?

It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then? Gal. 5:13-15 (The Message)

I don’t normally quote the Message version of the bible, but I just love the plain lingo here.

I’m constantly telling my kids things like, “Everything in moderation.” Or, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” To me, these are words to live by. Drink-but don’t get drunk. Eat-don’t gorge yourself until you puke. Smoke-once or twice a week-don’t be an addict in other words. Laugh loudly-live loudly-but perhaps not in church. Experience all that God allows you-but without sin. If you are not sure what sin is, then refer to His law. It is a beautiful and freeing thing! Just like telling kids they can have candy, but they can’t have candy for dinner, we are protecting them. From what, you say? Cavities, sugar highs and lows, and obesity. We love our children and want to protect them from harm. Whether it be a sugar addiction which ultimately can lead to all kinds of disease and trouble, to smoking addictions etc. God says to climb that mountain, but you had better use safety gear! (Otherwise you will be road kill) Drink that wine, but not too much! (Or you will be hugging porcelain) Or in my case-Jump and pray that my parachute opens! (Someday) Ultimately, His law is perfect. When we abide in Him we abide in His law. For Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commands.” John 14:15

And when we mess up? And yes we will, then we have that covered too, for in 1 John 1:9 it says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

In all of the testing of the waters and defining the boundaries, and intelligently yet tenderly, laying these things out for your children, remember that the bible also says, “Do not put the Lord your God to a test.” Duet.6:16, Matt.4:7 and, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Eph.6:4

Be diligent and as consistent as possible. Even when we fail, God is there. When the line in the sand is washed away by the tide, we are called to draw it once again. As Doug Wilson likes to say, “If it is getting cold, turn up the heat.” We parents control the thermostat. It is difficult, but God knows our weaknesses and will always help when we ask. Blessings.

How Disappointing!

Life is full of disappointments. Getting my order wrong at any given restaurant has come to be an expected, normal part of my life. So, when it’s right once and a while, it is a nice surprise. Other disappointments are just that-disappointing! Like when you are at the grocery store and you finish paying your bill only to realize as you put away your wallet that you had five dollars in coupons you forgot to use. Or how about when you finally remember you have coupons, you get them out to use them, and they expired 2 days prior! Then, let’s see, your favorite store has jeans on sale and you get there to find out they are out of your size! What about when you make plans with someone and they fall apart? What about when you choose the “??Mystery??” Dum- Dum Lollipop and it’s Root Beer flavor?!! (Yuck!) Or better yet-you wait in line for hours for front row seats to your favorite event and it gets cancelled due to bad weather and they offer no refunds! Simple things we take for granted such as the milk won’t be sour when we take a drink or there won’t be a worm in our apple and we certainly won’t step on gum in the parking lot. Life happens. Babies puke on us and poop on their pretty church clothes on the way to church. Children say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times. Dogs chew up leather couches and $200 shoes. (And sometimes they leave “gifts” on the living room rug!) Disappointments come in a variety of sizes. Dale and I used to lead a Married for Life class in which each week there was to be an Object Lesson. One week the lesson similarly was “deception” or how you think one thing is good and turns out bad etc. Anyway, the object lesson was for us to bring in a “Caramelized Onion”; an onion disguised as a caramel apple! We honestly just didn’t have the heart to do it to these unsuspecting couples. Can you imagine the DISAPPOINTMENT of biting into what you think will be a sweet, yummy, juicy, caramel apple, only to find a stinking onion!!?? This kind of thing is hard to see in our children as well. The better we handle disappointments, the better they will handle them too.These are not things to start taking anti-depressants for. This is Life 101. God has a sense of humor too. He sets before us obstacles in order to strengthen us daily, not to trip us up. We need to learn to change our perspective sometimes.

Philippians 4:8 says this: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” Psalm 37:4-7

It’s ok when things go wrong. If your hair is a mess, and your children have on the wrong size, color or two Right shoes, or even if you bite into a caramelized apple-it’s ok. Tomorrow is another day. And this (today or any day) “is the day which the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Blessings.

Discipline Your Man!

Ha! I got your attention. No, I’m not that kind of girl! I’m talking about the 4ft variety. But hang with me, there is a correlation there for husbands too. Raising boys for a girl like me should be an Olympic event.  It’s not a job for the weak in the knees sort. Or the parent from the couch sort. It is a leap over the giant toy dinosaur, scale a tall bunk bed, frog in the backseat sort of job. And that’s only an hours worth on any given Sunday. The following Mother Goose nursery rhyme reminds me of my crew:

 What are little boys made of?
“Snips of snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of!"
What are little girls made of?
"Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!"

No amount of “How to Be a Mom” type books could have prepared me for this life with my 4 boys. (Not to exclude my 3 girls, but Mommy will write about you another time.) When they are very small say about 1-4 years or so, they are easier to handle. Literally. They misbehave, I spank. All is well, for an hour or two. Somewhere around 6 or 7 they stretch out their legs and reach beyond a boundary or two. Still, spanking usually works. Then, the next thing I know, I turn around and my eldest boy is 12 years old! Spanking is no longer an option. He’s a good kid. Really, he is. He just has to be shaped into a good man. Here’s the glitch-I’M A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!! God knows this.  Except, my handbook (Proverbs), says hear the voice of lady wisdom, and also listen to the instruction of your mother, but doesn’t necessarily give practical application when said boy WON’T LISTEN!!!!! [Insert Father here.] He certainly listens more effectively to his dad. Glitch number 2-Dad works! Praise be to God in heaven!!! However, that means he’s being raised and educated primarily by moi. Poor kid. He’s ALL boy through and through! I love that about him. Unfortunately it can be a vice as well. He goes on one speed at all times. When he finally stops it’s usually because there is no one else in the room. Boys need work more than anyone. They need productive activity. If he’s not doing school work, punching his punching bag, jumping on the trampoline, shooting his BB Gun, or playing with the dog, he must be working. Mowing the lawn, raking leaves, going to work with Dad, picking and selling strawberries, taking out the trash etc. these are all things that are good for him. They are also chores that don’t take very long. (Except the lawn because we have almost 2 acres to mow) Boys mustn’t be left to their own devices. My dear hubby has educated me on this subject all too thoroughly. When my husband was a boy, he shot innocent woodland creatures, blew things up, crow-barred vehicles to pieces, and played in cow poop. These are all NON-PRODUCTIVE  activities.  So, when I look out my window and my son is a good 50ft in the air atop our tallest pine tree, my heart skips a beat as I try not to scream and say for the 40^th time-“I said don’t go that high again!”  Truth is treetops are the least of my worries. It is the condition of the heart that matters most. My hope rests in this verse;

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

The bible has many promises to us children of God, but sadly we live in a fallen sin filled world and though we as parents would love a guarantee of salvation and or perfectly behaved young citizens, as rewards for our diligently teaching and training of those given to us by our Creator, we know he chooses some for good works and others for destruction. Take Romans 9:22-25 for instance…

 What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory—even us, whom he also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles? As he says in Hosea:

“I will call them ‘my people’ who are not my people;

and I will call her ‘my loved one’ who is not my loved one,”

God forbid one born of my own womb, is not on His eternal life list! Heaven help me I say. Our hope is you Lord for you alone are good. You desire Godly offspring, and we have baptized, and are training up those you entrusted to us. You alone are good.

My eldest boy will turn 12 on Thursday, September 22^nd, 20011. It is not easy to discipline a man. 12 years old is biblically considered a man.  In the past, (perhaps present), boys/men his age fought wars and ruled kingdoms. When I discipline him, I’m disciplining a man. I do not wish to break his spirit, only to offer him a better way. One which will not only glorify God, but will benefit him once he is not beneath my wings any longer. I admit my discipline isn’t always an example of one who is sane. For instance, the other night we had a slightly insane encounter with his bedroom door. He thinks it is for slamming, kicking, pounding, or locking one in or out of regularly. I however disagreed. So I removed his door. 

He wasn’t pleased to say the least. I said, “If that’s how you are going to treat this door, then you don’t deserve the door.” He disagreed. Previously he had slammed it unknowingly on me and almost chopped off my finger.  Rationally speaking I could’ve used more talk, less action. Did I mention we are an active family? Actions speak louder than words around here. I chose action. The next day, he and I spent time together and laughed hysterically at the whole ordeal. I love that kid!

To conclude my thoughts here, let me repeat my title, Discipline Your Man! Your husband is disciplined by God if you don’t. He is charged with taking care of his family and raising Godly offspring to the best of his ability. Let him step in when he needs to. Ask him how you should handle difficult situations. Bless your husband by not disrespecting his son who will soon be a man. Be attentive to the fact that we are all image bearers, and do not misuse the temple of God. Blessings. 

The Absence of Fondness

Three days and two nights we looked out a window facing the Atlantic. Blue skies and beaches, mini golf and ice cream filled a few hours. Breweries and Wineries donned an afternoon. Filet Mignon, a new dress and the man of my dreams in front of me, what better way to spend our 20th anniversary? (As if God himself planned it, and HE did, we also had the pool and hot tub all to ourselves.) Now, 3 weeks later, I finally have time for a short blog.

We adore our children. We talk about them entirely too much. As the saying goes, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I grow much fonder of my children after not seeing them for a few days. Unfortunately, the euphoria of this wears off pretty quickly. (Hence, my title) Therefore, once back on the home front, the whining begins…Welcome Home Mom and Dad!


Seriously, I miss them so much, but I hate how the bickering escalates sometimes! I wouldn’t trade a moment, honestly. They teach me more than I teach them. Children are so intricately made. Their innocence, their reasoning, and the way they fully, deeply, wholly love you, is straight from heaven. I don’t allow those moments where the enemy gets a foothold to last. I admit, I don’t run to the room where the argument is every single time, mostly because I’m hoping they will work it out themselves. It is all the other moments where I could dwell eternal. You know, like when one does a kind deed for another, words of praise and forgiveness, bedtime prayers, all the family story times, family plays and sing-alongs, road trips, cuddle time, playing games outside together and the list goes on…truly it does. I love my life! These are the times we must remember when they are arguing or refusing to fold laundry my way or hitting someone or breaking something or shooting someone. (Yes. I said shooting someone) Air Soft pellets people-don’t go dialing 911 or anything. I love my kids. I love my husband. Here is what is written in Corinthians on love:

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor. 13:1-13

I see clearly now what it is to put away childish things. Teaching this principle to my 12 yr old son is not so clear. It is harder for me being a woman and trying to train up a boy-man in the way he should go. It is near an impossible task of which I would fail miserably! There, but for the grace of God, go I. God is gracious in this area of parenting. HE knows how difficult the task and what is required of me, but still I fail and still He forgives. So, yes, young grasshopper, you will do dishes and mow the lawn. And, no, you may not shoot your brother in the back of the head or jump off the roof of the barn. Not on my watch!

All in all, our 20th was a hit and it is a joy to be home and back in full swing of things within our four walls. Thank you Nana!